" Mes Coeur..... '

I sit back and think…

Of those days far away…

When no worries would plague us…..

And nothing would disturb us then..…

                               

When summer brought its own joy….

And days  full of laughter…

The sun shone brightly o’er us…

And we talked almost every day….

We spoke of the sun…. the stars and the moon..

We spoke of our crazy friends…

Days would pass.. and weeks dragged by….

But we were always the same….

I always thought… ‘ Would he understand…?”

And I wondered if he cared…

And after all those times that would pass…

Would he a glance spare?

The rain brought with it… its own magic…

Those showers made everything beautiful..

Getting drenched was always special….

And today was ever  the same…

Casting a silver beam upon us…

the moon shone brightly overhead…

The walk was made heavenly…

With the stars shining o’erhead..

I felt this was special….

And it seemed to be perfect….

I once thought of asking him..

But,  something stilted my steps….

I knew he did care….

But did he care enough?

My heart was unsure….

And so it thought of giving up…

 “But how can you give up? “

Was what my mind said…..

And so one day it decided…

To do what it had said…..

I knew it would not be easy….

And my heartbeats seemed to double ..…

Thinking of those days….

Gave strength to move on then.... 

I saw him arrive…..

And he rendered me breathless..…

And before I could say it….

His words made me speechless..

“ I Finally told her…

And she has said Yes..’

My heart seemed to freeze…

And all I said was “ Oh Good…….. Yes..”

I had heard..

That  it would be like this…

But   never had I thought..

I would feel like this…

It all seemed to shatter…

And a tear emerged from my eyes…

I wish he never meant it….

Was all that my heart cried…

I wish he could disappear.

And take the pain away…

I wish I could forget it all..

All those eternally happy  days…

And sleep refused to oblige me…

And  the pain refused to leave…

And thoughts continued to torment me…

With memories of those passing days….  

Today a year has passed…

And I think back on all those times…

How we met…. And what we did… and

How his eyes arrested mine…

I still think of those  times…..

And memories come flooding back..

Dancing in the rain….

And playing in the sand….

                 

There a drop fell on my cheek

And I looked up at the heaven above..

Maybe some quiet angel was crying out…..

Her heart out ,,….on some lonely shore..

I closed my eyes… and looked up….

And I felt the breeze on my face.

It made me remember those times we had…

Shared together.. …in some quiet beautiful place…

But it was over…

And I knew it  then..

Maybe no hope….

 And maybe…. No more pain…

I smiled to myself…

For someone had once said…

You will  cause the pain...

But  you will  be the strength….

My heart then whispered to me…

“ You think it would happen again… “

Those feelings in me would never be…..

Never be evoked again….

I was strong now… I was wise….

I had learnt it myself....

Living in hope could be futile…

And maybe I could never trust again..

But another voice then called out….

That would it ever be fair?

Punishing those who never did wrong…                      …

And then causing all the pain again..?    

Could I do it?

Would I manage..?

Would I ever manage..

To see it all again…????

And so today I live…..

In the hope of living again….

Accepting it all now…..

With those feelings.. and with the pain…